Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the lone so we can trace the call.
If you are a schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will rell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinating, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
I got this from a Psychiatry handout that a friend of mine shared.
Found this pretty amusing most especially the delusional part. haha